At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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