i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
