1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
