I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
