I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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