Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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