You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
