I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
