He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize