when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize