Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
