Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
