omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
there is glitter all over my balls
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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