You can't special order awesome
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
