Kiss
Puke
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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