I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
