I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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