Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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