Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
accomplished twins. life is a go
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
