just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
