Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
