are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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