last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
