last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize