why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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