I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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