she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My dick has a subreddit
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
