We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
