Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
