This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize