i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
