They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
