UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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