Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
bring money and cleavage
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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