Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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