Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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