mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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