Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
