woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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