just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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