i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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