the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize