is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
