i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
