He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
