I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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