Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
