Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
