There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
