dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
