OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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