so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
