Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
