I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
