she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
