I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
