i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
