I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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