new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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