Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
worst night to have a conscience
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
