textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
