Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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