Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
