I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Enjoy the penises
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
