remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
