He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
