"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My pussy is not your playground.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
