At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize