I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize