I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
