may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
