if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
